


uncertainty

by perhapssoon



Series: trials of a bender [3]
Category: Splatoon
Genre: Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Panic Attacks, blue really doesnt like himself, i cant write emotions but i tried, weird training bonding session between two diff team members
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-22
Updated: 2019-04-22
Packaged: 2020-01-23 11:40:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,520
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18549046
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/perhapssoon/pseuds/perhapssoon
Summary: He's a firebender but right now, he's wishing he couldn't bend at all.





	uncertainty

**Author's Note:**

> ohhh i had this idea for a long time bc what if u didnt like your element? kinda a way for me to self-impose on a bunch of characters too :)

Three minutes. That’s all he had to endure before it was over. Three minutes. 

Sailor Blue stares at the door of the lobby in apprehension, heart pounding loudly in his chest. A turf war wasn’t that long so why was he so nervous?

Sailor White is bouncing on the balls of her feet nearby, tentacles springing on her head like they were alive. Being the only nonbender on the team put a lot of pressure that Blue couldn’t imagine. She had a lot to live up to with no powers, but sometimes Blue wished he could be in her place. 

It would work out, right? She wanted powers, he wanted to stop putting everyone around him in danger. 

“Blue.” Forge puts a hand on his shoulder and he flinches away instinctively. “Deep breaths.”

He realizes all of a sudden that his hands are glowing with white-hot flames and quickly takes a shaky breath to calm himself. Instead, it flares brighter and Forge shakes her head at him, extinguishing it with her own powers. “You need to meditate before turfing or something.”

It’s a joke, but it hurts Blue way more than it should. 

“It’s time to go,” Army says suddenly from behind them and they turn to face their leader, blood rushing furiously in Blue’s ears. “Remember. Use your manuals. Take them down.”

They nod simultaneously, a trained move that keeps them in sync, and Army grins in satisfaction. “Go for the win.” 

The doors slide open and they spawn at the beginning of the match to thundering applause. 

—

The first two minutes go smoothly, quite surprisingly. Blue even gets a few fire blasts here and there, pushing his opponents into his scope where he quickly takes them down. It helps that Orange Team is winning, holding ground with a huge wave of fire. 

He’s starting to think he can make it through this match before the meter on the board above the stage starts veering towards the enemy team’s side. Judging by the lack of orange ink around him, at least two members of his team are down, Army and White. 

Forge is cornered at the end of the map, resorting to using lightning to beat her opponents back, but the opposing team is also pushing forward, beating back the flames and inking more than what seems to be half the stage. 

As a backliner, Blue is the last line of defense unless Army and White respawn quickly. But through the line of his scope, he can see a clothing piece with respawn punisher so he knows that his teammates aren’t going to come anytime soon. He snipes the player, attracting the attention of the other two Inklings. 

In the distance he can see Forge’s squid form float to the spawn, and he knows he’s alone here. 

He’s forced to bring a wave of fire out, which his opponents easily dodge. Anxiety rises in him, hot and fast, despite his attempts to calm himself. He can’t fail; his team is counting on him. 

An enemy somehow gets a shot of ink past his defense and the resulting pain of it hitting his shoulder and sudden horror is what causes the flames around him to turn hot blue. Lightning crackles from his body as he backs away, breathing hard. His Splatterscope is melting in his hands, the plastic and metal snapping and dripping onto the stage floor, and he lets go of it completely, watching it vanish into an explosion of flames. The other Inklings looks somewhat scared but keep advancing, knowing they can keep pressing him, and he wants to tell them to run, to get out of here before he hurts them all. The uncontrollable terror is rising in him, eating at his insides, like sharp teeth digging into his brain, screaming at him to tell everyone to get away get away get away get away!

He can’t die here, he can’t die here, he can’t die here. His mind is a mess of raging shrieks and horrified screaming and he struggles to stay upright when a intense jet of fire erupts from his mouth as he tries to tell everyone to leave him be.  He falls to his knees, coughing, electricity burning into his clothes and skin, the air smelling like ozone and smoke. He can’t breathe suddenly and his vision blurs as the heat around his body increases tenfold. He’s barely aware of voice shouting at him to calm down, to control his element, the voice on the loudspeaker telling the spectators to leave the area, the shocking cold of water attempting to break through his walls of blue fire and blankets of electricity only for him to retreat further. 

He’s hurting everyone, he’s breaking the stage, he can’t control it. The panic that he can’t extinguish this fire on his own overwhelms him and increases the jolts coming from his body. His eyes are burning and his throat is raw from crying and screaming, though there are no tears thanks to the intense heat. 

A hand lands on his shoulder, gripping it so painfully that he’s startled from his panic attack. “Blue. Can you hear me?”

Army’s voice cuts through the flames, and Blue immediately feels a spike of fear. Why is Army here? He could get hurt! He’ll get scolded for not controlling his element again, anyway, and he’s not ready to listen to the constant ranting on how he put everyone in danger. 

He already knows; he doesn’t need his leader to shout at him any more than the voices in his own head. 

“You need to calm down. You’re safe, you’re fine. Inhale.”

Despite his best attempts, Blue is forced to inhale, and he briefly wonders if there’s an airbender nearby. 

“Exhale.”

The air leaves his lungs again. 

“Inhale.”

They repeat the process several times before the flames recede enough for some waterbender to extinguish it, and Blue falls forward, the tears finally coming, curling into a ball to escape the damage he inflicted. He’s going to be in so much trouble. 

—

“What was that?” Army looks about to explode; it’s the closest to furious that Blue’s ever seen him get. He’s briefly reminded of his training to not be so volatile with emotions, but again, he remembers that the difference between him and Army is that Army can actually control his emotions. Forge and White look alarmed that Army actually looks angry for once, exchanging glances with each other. “What were you thinking?”

“I’m—“ What was he supposed to say? It was his fault, he takes the blame, he doesn’t deserve to be a firebender with how poorly he can bend fire. “I’m sorry, sir.    It was wrong of me to lose control like that.”

Army shakes his head, turning his back on his teammate. “You started off fine. And then you just exploded. The turfing industry is pressing charges. Is something wrong? This is the third time this week you’ve relinquished all bending tactics and just imploded a stage.”

He thinks back to all the other times anxiety-turned-fear took hold of him, and cringes. He can’t tell his teammates that he’s scared to hurt people, that he hates not being able to bend properly, that he wishes he were a nonbender so he could have panic attacks without the risk of people’s lives. “Everything is fine, sir. I promise it won’t happen anymore.”

Army turns back to him, brows furrowed. “Alright, but next match something happens, we’re going to have a talk.”

Blue nods furiously, stomach churning. His hands are burning and he quickly closes them into fists to hide the small flames. 

Army stares at him some more before waving a hand to the three of them. “You are dismissed.”

—

“You good?” 

White’s voice breaks Blue out of his thoughts, and he glances over at the other Inkling before looking away. 

“Yeah.”

She sits next to him, feet dangling over the roof edge. “Doesn’t seem like it. Wanna talk about it?”

He shrugs listlessly and she hums in response. “You know, I always wanted to be a bender? You guys seem so powerful and unique and at home with your elements, y’know? I wanted to be like that. I wanted to control fire and burn things and redirect electricity like you guys. But I’m a nonbender and I can’t change that. I had to find out how to make myself special on my own, and that meant mastering my weapon and using my plans to my advantage. It took a long time, and I still get a lot of hate, but it worked for me in the end.” She shifts slightly, head turning in his direction and he reluctantly makes eye contact with her. “You don’t want to be a bender, right?”

He shakes his head, eyes darting away. “I—“

What was the point of lying?

“Right.”

She nods sagely. “That’s fine, but—“

He doesn’t know what he expects. For her to try to tell him how much she thinks bending is a good idea?

“—I think you’re meant to be a bender. It’s in your blood.”

He stares at her, incredulous. “Are you kidding? Didn’t you see the way I lost control this morning? I can’t keep my emotions down like Forge and Army, and it’s my fault for thinking I can bend my element properly when I screw everything up more right as things get bad.”

“Yes, but when you bend, and when you’re in total control...” her voice trails off before she meets his gaze, eyes sparkling. “You look amazing. You’re totally in your element, pun not intended.”

He sighs. “I don’t know how to keep my emotions under wraps. It’s hard enough to stop the fire when I get stressed but it’s worse when I’m actually in the field.”

“Then don’t suppress your emotions,” she suggests. “Use them to your advantage. Not everyone bends the same. I watch Aviator and Skull perform the same skills at once and they aren’t in sync at all. They have their own approaches to bending, and they can accomplish things the same way. So I think it’s possible for you to bend  with your emotions open.”

Blue feels a wave of hope then, the warmth spreading through his body showing in the gentle flame that suddenly appeared along his forearm. “You really think so?” It seems way off the possibilities, but it could work, right? Was he being too optimistic in believing in it?

She nods firmly. “I know so.”

—

He doesn’t know any firebenders who fight with their emotions so openly expressed so he has to turn to Octoglasses, the most emotional waterbender he’s ever met. 

“Okay, first,” Octoglasses opens her hands, water draining from the flasks at her hip to hover above her palms. “What are you feeling right now?”

“Nervous. Maybe some adrenaline.”

“That’s expected.” She winks cheerily at him and curls her hands into fists, the water obeying her. “Now use that to protect yourself. No dodging. Just fire and all that.” She grins. “Ready?”

He doesn’t have time to agree before she hurls a glob of water at him and his arms fly up instinctively to block it with a wave of fire that turn it to steam. There’s no pause before a jet of water erupts in his left and he forces himself to stay in place, redirecting the fire to engulf the next attack, anxiety rising inside him. 

Utilize your emotions. 

The nervousness inside him amplifies but he manages to catch Octoglasses’ next attack with a matching jet of fire and effectively turns it to vapor. As soon as that happens, the anxiety quells slightly. Maybe he can get through this. 

Adrenaline is running full force through his body and he uses it to block three successive blasts of ice, turning it to water, which Octoglasses immediately curves back around to encircle him, a sphere of water flying towards his face at the same time. His hand sparks into a blue flame which he uses to punch through the sphere, shattering it into glimmering bubbles of liquid, while a circle of electricity erupts from his torso, entering the ring of water, so he can redirect it into the ground. 

He feels excited now, hopping from foot to foot as he waits for the next attack. But it never comes. 

Octoglasses laughs and waves her hands, a weak spray of water coming from her direction, falling short twenty feet. “Looks like I’m out. You did really well!!”

“Wait, really?” He recalls the whole session, and maybe he did block everything successfully. “I— got through that?”

“Without having a panic attack no less.” She claps her hands together. “Now you just gotta do that in turf!”

Speaking of the devil, Blue’s phone rings and he tugs it out of his pocket. “Hello?”

“Hey Blue, we have a turf match in five minutes, where are you?” Forge’s voice floats out of the speaker and his eyes widen. 

Oh right. 

“I’ll be right over,” he says quickly, and after a quick thanks to Octoglasses, he grabs his Splatterscope and leaves.

—

The Turf War starts out like normal, and he’s so full of energy that his eyes start sparking electricity. Forge shoots him a warning look but he ignores her. He’s ready for this. 

The other team gets a head start and they’re at a disadvantage almost immediately as White gets splatted thirty seconds in. 

An Octobrush user creeps up behind him but as frustration that they managed to go around without being detected rises inside Blue, he forces it out into his element, fire erupting from his palms to drive them back. He swings his charger around and takes them down while they’re retreating. 

He stares at his hands, stunned, as his opponent’s squid form floats to their respawn. So this tactic could work!

He spends the rest of the match moving from one high spot to another, occasionally defending himself from an opponent who managed to sneak past the front line. His death count is at zero, and his spirits are high. He actually can work like this, and the realization keeps him going. 

When the match is almost over, Orange Team pulls a heavy lead as Blue manages to snipe two of the four opposing members and his fire blocks off the other two for Army to take them out. They end the game with 75.4%. 

Army looks amazed. “Your emotions. You still express them rather loudly, you know, but how did you manage to do all that so quickly?”

Blue shrugs, glancing over to White, who gives him an encouraging smile. “I don’t know, sir, but is it okay if I continue like this in battle?”

The beginnings of a smile appears on Army’s face. “Of course. As long as you bring that effort into the field every run.”

“I’ll do my best.” 

Blue knows he’s grinning as he walks out of the lobby, White jabbering excitedly in his ear, Octoglasses with her arm slung around one of teammates, pride in her eyes. 

Maybe he’s meant to be a firebender after all. 


End file.
